10 EXAMPLES OF ACTORS WHO SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONNED THE CAPE...FINALE!!!

Okay  Fanboys and Fangirls, I  have finally  made it to then end of this  particular  rant. Saving the BEST ( or rather WORST)  for last. Even though, the last  two were pretty  hard to beat!  The final 2 are in this Fanboy's humble opinion possibly the most  damaging to the franchisees in particular. AWFUL casting, Fanboy  fueled arrogance and divinity and too much poetic license make the final 2 the nail in this Fanboy rant coffin.

I  am all for non-traditional casting. (ie: Michael Clarke Duncan as the KINGPIN in Daredevil)  

WHEN IT WORKS! Look at  IRON MAN. Robert Downey Jr.  is beyond perfect for the role of Tony Stark. I  mean aside from being a technological genius, HE IS TONY STARK IN REALITY!!

He owned the role, did the character justice, and  he paid homage to the people who  he knew would be filling the seats, 3,4,5 times over.... THE FANBOYS, THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE THESE TERRIBLE FILMS!

Number TWO:  "Mr. Qui-Gon Sir...."
You  were supposed to  be the chosen one...it was said that you  would defeat the sith .....

 
instead Jake Lloyd  made the most  inticipated Fanboy film of all time....into  a suckfest...not all his faul tho, most  of the blame goes to  Papa George (George Lucas) who threatened us up with N'Sync being in the movie, adn cyrsed us with the ABOMINATION known only  as Jar, Jar  Binks.
Because he wanted to  appeal to  a wider audience, so to  speak. he steered away  from the original formula and tried to  make it too  cute, too "familiy  friendly" or whatever I  dunno, maybe he was hitting the bong or something...In Episode IV, all the comedy  relief  you  had  was CP3-0 and R2-D2, and the witty  banter of Han Solo.  AND THAT   IS ALL YOU  NEEDED!!!
         

        Star Wats Episode IV "A New Hope" came out  in 1977, and I  saw it ten times at the theatre, twice at the drive-in.... I  was a child, and this was the seventies!!! Kids didnt go to the movies every  weekend like they  do  now....but for STAR WARS I  did! My  little sister was in  LOVE  with Mark Hamill, we both watched Empire Strikes Back,, every   Sunday for THREE YEARS!!  I  read Return of The Jedi 5 times before I  actually  saw the movie. (yeah, I  know, I  have been a Fanboy for a looooooooong time) So  again, the most  anticipated Fanboy movie of all  time......and  you  give us this??? aside from  Jar Jar  Binks (who I  didnt see as racist, I  just  saw him as incredibly mindnummingly stupid!! and I  wished someone would have blown his head off after hearing him talk for five minutes) Aside from the fact there was a wee bit too much  CGI., and pulling  a Highlander 2 and killing the mysticism  and coolness of the Jedi by the revelation of where the FORCE  come from. .these aspects could have been over looked but damn, the boy who  would grow up  to  be Darth Vader, looks and sounds like  Dennis the Menace. I  dig that   you  wanna show the innocence of a child being twisted my  pain and sorry, and fear, but Jake Lloyd is a terrible kid actor!!! He is like a poor man's Johnathan Lipnicky from Jerry  McGwire.  I  can not  believe that  there were NO other child actors who  could have played this role?? How about Haley Joel Osmet? He was still  a kid, and could have made the role  1000% more believable..

Tthen you  give us Hayden Christenson....

given the moniker "Mannequin Skywalker".....pretty  much the Sci-Fi equivalent to  Allen Payne (see Tyler Perry's TV show, House of Payne...on second thought, don't see it, it is a horible show), proving that not ALL Canadian actors, are good ones! He has a good look....but he and Dolph Lungren obviously  went to the same acting school.  I  want  to  like Hayden, but  especially  in Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, his acting was....horrendous. Not a total Stinkfest mainly ,because of the special effects and Ewan McGreggor , Natalie Portman, and Liam Neeson.
I  dunno, 
I  kinda feel bad because Jake Lloyd will most likely  NOT EVER be able to  get  any  kind of acting work outside of spoof comedies and possible Sci-Fi documentaries. Plus the legacy  he leaves is not of the one who brought ballance to the Force, but the one who  nearly destroyed the franchise with his inept acting ability..

I  suppose we should be greatful the the prequels are not being made now or else we might have Justin Bieber as  young Anakin Skywalker....although I  can kinda see him becoming Darth Vader!

"you  were supposed to  be the chosen one!"

NUMBER ONE:  "What are you?.....I'm the worst  choice ever for BATMAN!"

Michael Keaton as BATMAN

Quite frankly one of the MAIN reasons I  even started this blog. When Tim Burton's BATMAN came out  and it was out that  MR MOM/Beetlejuice was going to  play  Bruce Wayne/Batman.....

I  honestly thought it was a joke...a bad, sick twisted joke. Okay, let us examine the character  of BATMAN. Youbg Bruce watches his parents get  brutally  murdered by a two bit thug

(named Joe Chill....NOT JACK NAPIER..THE  JOKER DID NOT KILL BATMAN'S PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!) at  which point he vowed to make sure no child would ever have to  endure such pain, and bring those wrong doers to  justice, wherever evil preys upon the innocent. So  he trains his body and his mind, honed to perfection.  Fronting the image of a spoiled Millionaire playboy, by  day,
The crime fighting vigilante known as  THE  BATMAN is an over six foot, beyond Olympic level ATHLETE....ATHLETE.....ATHLETE......Michael Keaton....ATHELETE/Michael Keaton....Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture????
Michael Keaton is only  about 5'5 and balding....and about as athletice as a bowl of ricotta cheese....okay maybe that  was a bit extreme, but c'mon, anyone who  is really  a fan...(or even anyone who  has sight) can see that  this was THE MOST ABSURD CHOICE FOR THIS CHARACTER. THE BATMAN is not an everyman hero, not anyone, can be THE BATMAN!  I  have heard the argument that  his BATMAN was one of the best, better  than Val Kilmer, and better  than George Clooney. NO!... Th film it self was a cinematice beauty, making Gotham City ver dark and Gothic, very  comicbookesques, which is good, I  LOVED that  part  of the film and I  have NO arguments there.(even though after the first  film, it went from Gothic to Las Vegas on acid).Michael Keaton as BATMAN is  like Jean-Claude Van Damme as THE AMERICAN CHARACTER GUILE in The Street Fighter movie,
  or like Edward Furlong in the last  CROW installment.

( that is one I  missed, belive me DO NOT  SEE THIS MOVIE!!.  Very  bad,  very, very  bad!) Keaton's BATMAN  was just  not believeable...and it sucked donley balls.
Val Kilmer's BATMAN and Bruce Wayne were were exactly the same, you  could not tell the difference between the two,

and George Clooney IS Bruce Wayne in Reality, his BATMAN
just  kinda sucked,bu that was not all his faul, most  of that  I  blame on the doofus known as Joel Shoemacher.  Bat-Nipples,and Bat-Butt shots, remember?

I  was sooo disgusted with the  first  BATMAN film, I  boycotted it, i  did NOT  see it at the theatre,and nearly  waited a year before I  actually  saw it.



How about young Alec Baldwin?

(Beetlejuice, The Shadow) to  play the role. He would have fit the part a HELL of a lot more than Keaton. He actually  fits the part  better! Hell  i  even heard rumor that  a young Jeff Goldblum was even slated to  play the raole at  one point! Jack Nickelson's Joker and the Gothic nature of the scenery of the film.barely  make this movie watchable.
Kevin Conroy,

the guy  who des the voice of BATMAN/Bruce Wayne from Batman The Animated Series would even be a better   fit for the movies!   Adam West would have even been a better choice, and least  HE is about the right height and is definately a PLAYBOY,

Oh, I  read Burt Ward's book......which ultimately makes me a Fanboy!

If Michael Keaton was so great in the movies, why  doesn't the video game persona look like him??

10 Examples of actors who should have never donned the cape...Part Three!!

Yes, I know I  am a wee bit behind on posting, but with the Holidays, and jury duty (justice was served by the way); and coming soon an awesum,funny,and innovative new online comic from 3RING STUDIOS and LiLBatti I  have been a bit busy.....that  being said, lets continue with the Fanboy ranting...Okay, the final four in the lineup of indeed the absomurfly WORST choices in Fanboy filmdom. It is truly a disgrace and a dishonor to Fanboys and Fangirls from across the galaxy.  Be it because they  were popular actors/actresses, or some sick directors twisted view of comic book reality (Tim Burton, damn you  Tim Burton, damn you  to Hades), these choices for actors have put a poopstain on some iconic Fanboy characters...

Number Four: "Every body, CHILL!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mister Freeze from Batman and Robin

Does Joel Shoemmacher freebase cocaine?  Seriously to think that AH-NOLD was a good choice for Mr Freeze.  Then again this is the man who  is responsible for nipples on the Bat-Suit.  Could someone please explain to  me what  purpose nipples serve on a Bat-Suit??? So  what, are they  hollow and he keeps change in there? But back  to the matter at  hand.... Arnold makes over 15 cheese-ball references to "cold" in this  movie..

 

if you  saw the animated feature Sub-Zero ...

the character  of Mr Freeze is NOT a  Muscle -bound, cigar smoking STOOGE like Arnold makes him out  to  be. Yes this film was extremely  campy, with  Bat-Nipples, Bat-Crotch and Bat-Butt shots, Bat-Credit cards and the like. But this was just  wayyy  too  much. I  would have rather  seen Otto Preminger (the Mr Freeze  from the 1960's 

 Batman), at  least you  can understand what the HELL  he is sasying!!

Let's see who would I  have chosen to  play the part  of Mr Freeze?.... Oh, I  dunno, maybe Sir Patrick Stewart!?!?!?!?  yeah, ok, Arnold was popular  back then but  damn how about  a little character  examination first  before  you  go casting!?!?

And if Locutus of BORG wasn't  available, how about Peter Postlethwaite, who was also  a badass actor in his own respect! (The Lost  World Jurassic Park and Romeo and Juliet)

now you  look at these 3 pix and  YOU tell ME who  would have made a better Mr Freeze!

"Time to put you ....on ICE!"
 

Number 3 - 3.5
"What happens to a Toad when it is struck by lightning?... I  dunno, how many  toads are actually struck by lightning per year?"

Yes, i  am talking about....ugh, Halle Berry  as Storm from the first  three X-Men Films, X-Men, X2 and X-Men 3 United,
as well as ...(throwing up a little in my mouth) Catwoman...

The MARVEL COMICS character  of STORM (Ororo Munroe)
The character  of STORM is of a woman who is confident without being cocky, an almost REGAL presence even with just the way she walks,(she IS a Princess after  all) with a potential ferocity that rivals Wolverine's; and on the other hand a motherly compassion (especially with Kitty Pryde, the bond between Kitty and Logan aka Wolverine wasn't until later, in fact she even states that she was actually  more afraid of Wolverine than of Nightcrawler.... you  see the masses would know this if the films hadn't  steered so far way from  cannon!...the X-Men films are a topic for another time...) The only  ferocity that  Halle Berry  has  was probably when she hit that  person with  her car! When the first  X-Men came out, Halle Berry  was the "IT Black Actress" so to speak. Because the is cute and won an OSCAR for BEST ACTRESS for her role in Monster's Ball. (I  saw the movie.....umm I  don't get  it) I  am NOT dismissing the fact that  she is the first  Black female to win the Academy Award for Best Actress (even tho it probably should have gone to  Whoopii Goldberg a long time ago) But I  am sorry, aside from the fact  of her truly iconically stupid line....

she does NOT fit this role.....ta  all, not even remotely  close. You wanna talk  box office draw power? How many  people do you  honestly  think went to  see X-MEN because of Halle Berry??? The movie was should have been Fanboy Gold and could have been! Yes, the arguement is that there is TOO MUCH X-MEN HISTORY to  deal with, but there are element that  could have been added to  stay  close to  cannon, which would equate to  more box office draw and Fanboys and Fangirls going to  see it MULTIPLE TIMES. So  I  don't wanna hear any  claptrap about  box office draw. Don't sacrifice the integrity  of the movie for flashy, overrated actors/actresses!!!...DAMN! ya know who  would have been a MUCH  better  STORM?....

Angela Basset!!! (who i  understand was originally  offered the role and Halle Berry was the alternate choice.) She has that  "regal" presence, motherly tone, and if you  pissed her off, i don't think I  would wanna frack with her!

Or How aboot..

Sanaa Lathan! (BLADE)She has the presence, beauty, athletic and acting ability  to  pull off that  role!

or maybe.... 

N'Bushe Wright! (also in the movie BLADE) Another Black actress who  could have pulled off that  role!!

And so, what happens to  a Fanboy character who is cast in the movie version because of their "box office potential" instead of their actual fit in the role....the same thing as everything else....they  suck! 

CATWOMAN..... (sigh)

Umm do I  really have to say  anything else?

This was just  a STUPID FILM

Having a Catwoman movie without BATMAN is like...having a ROBIN the Boy Wonder movie..... without BATMAN!

I am hoping that  Anne Hatheway can pull this off (even though it wont be too hard to beat considering the previous Catwoman. 

I  am a little skeptical 

I  will admit I  am still  slightly  skeptical aboot Anne Hatheway as Catwoman.  The character of Catwoman is rather edgy and more complex than most  people realize.  I  just hope Nolan doesn't pull a Tim Burton and have her fall from a a building, land on an awning, have some cats lick her on the face and woo hoo, she's Catwoman. I will be stunned and amazed if they even come CLOSE to  cannon with  Catwoman. I  found out recently that  Anne Hatheway wasn't the only  actress considered... 

Jessica Biel 

was also considered....I  gotta say, I  think I might have gone for Jessica.

 

TRIBBLES..?

Ok, now there was a LOT  of speculation around the next  Star Trek movie villan. 

There have been ruomrs about KHAN and all that. But honestly, unless you are going to  dig up Ricardo  Montalban and re-animate him, I  dont think that  is going to  fly. Dont frack with ICONIC characters like that because inevitably you  are  going to  screw it up.But (as first  seen by this Fanboy on (comicbookmovie.com) 

The Klingons play a prominent role in Star Trek 2. The angle, according to our sources, plays up them up as a Nomadic sect of warrior aliens causing trouble for the Federation — think an intergalactic Taliban with their home-planet overrun by Tribbles. Yes, those Tribbles, here in the newly rebooted continuity viewed as "furry carnivorous creatures.

Tribbles?......I  dunno  about that... I  have been saying it out  loud  over and over again for the past 20 minutes, "tribbles?" For those of  you  Fanboys and Fangirls who might  not have seen the "Trouble With Tribbles" episode of the Original Star Trek series:

On stardate 4523.3, Captain James T. Kirk and his crew are called to Deep Space Station K7 by a priority-one distress call. The station is near Sherman's Planet, a world in a sector of space disputed between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. Under the terms of the Organian Peace Treaty, Sherman's Planet would be awarded to whichever side demonstrates that it can manage it more efficiently.

Kirk is furious when he later realizes the distress call was unwarranted, and the undersecretary in charge of agriculture in the sector, Nilz Baris, simply wants someone to guard the shipments of quadrotriticale, a four-lobed wheat-rye hybrid grain, bound for Sherman's Planet. To Baris's annoyance, Kirk assigns two token guards to the task shortly before learning that Starfleet Command endorses Baris's concerns.

A Klingon ship soon arrives at the space station and requests that its crew be granted shore leave, as entitled under the treaty. Kirk tells the Klingon captain Koloth that he may only bring members of his crew down 12 at a time, and that he will provide one security guard for each Klingon who beams down.

Meanwhile, an independent trader, Cyrano Jones, brings some little furry animals called tribbles onto the station to sell; he gives one to Uhura as a marketing ploy. She brings it on board the Enterprise, where it and its offspring are treated as adorable pets. The animals purr a relaxing trill that the crew (even the stoic Mr. Spock) find soothing. Klingons, however, find tribbles very annoying, and the feeling is mutual: tribbles emit an ear-piercing shriek of aggression, and jump, whenever they are near Klingons. (It has subsequently been explained that tribbles have a keen sense of smell and find food by scent, that they find the smell of Klingons offensive, and that Klingons, who are likewise spoken of as having a keen sense of smell, find the "stench" of tribbles repulsive.)

The "trouble" with the tribbles is that they reproduce far too quickly and are capable of eating a planet barren if their breeding is not controlled; in the words of Dr. McCoy,

"they are born pregnant" and threaten to consume all the onboard supplies. The problem is aggravated when it is discovered that the creatures are entering essential ship systems, interfering with their functions and consuming any edible contents present. Kirk realizes that if the tribbles are getting into the Enterprise's stores, then they are a direct threat to the grain stores aboard the station. However, upon examining the holds, Kirk learns that it is already too late; the tribbles have indeed eaten the grain—a fact he learns the hard way, by being buried to more than half his own height in tribbles when he opens a hold with an overhead hatch. It appears the mission has ended in a fiasco. On top of that, Koloth wants a formal apology from Kirk, since some of the Enterprise crew members have started, though not without provocation, a western-style brawl with the Klingon crew in the station's bar.

Spock and McCoy, however, soon discover that around half the tribbles in the hold are dead and many of the rest are dying, alerting the Federation that the grain has been poisoned. Furthermore, the tribbles also give away the identity of a surgically altered Klingon agent responsible. The saboteur is the only "human" the tribbles do not like: Arne Darvin, Baris's own assistant. He had infected the grain with a virus that becomes an inert material in an organism's bloodstream; the more that is eaten, the more inert matter builds up, till the organism cannot take in enough nourishment to survive and essentially starves to death. Upon a medical scan by Dr. McCoy, it is revealed that Darvin is indeed a Klingon in disguise. Thus the tribbles redeem themselves and enable the Federation to score a diplomatic victory against the Klingons. As for Cyrano Jones, who introduced the species to the station, he is ordered to remove the tribbles from the station (a clean-up task that Spock estimates will take 17.9 years) or be imprisoned for 20 years for transporting a dangerous life form off its native planet.

Just before the Klingon departure, all tribbles that were on the Enterprise are somehow beamed onto the Klingon ship by Scotty as a retaliation for the troubles the Klingons have caused, where, in his words, "they'll be no tribble at all."

 Now I  trust  JJ Abrams in that  he would not sell us Fanboys out....

If they  DO  go  ahead with this idea, I  say that  they  use Jack Black

to  play  Cyrano  Jones ( or save him for Harry Mudd...either one  would be perfect for him....not Seth Rogen.  After seeing Green Hornet.... I  am kinda Seth Rogen'ed out...

Tribbles?

But as HOLLYWOOD has shown us too many  times before... we may be saying this...

 

I am sorry, but you  can't get  much  better than this...