Really George Lucas, really?

Brisk Star Wars: Yoda vs. Darth Maul 

ok, ok...it is kinda cute although I  think the voice of yoda should have been voiced by  Fanny  Glover from Leathal Weapon,and he should have said...

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 January 31st, The Sith and Jedi Burgers....from France, of course...a fast  food burger joint  known as Quick.  Something to  whet you  appetite for the release of STAR WARS The PHANTOM MENACE 3D!

yeah... I  would probably buy one....dammit!

Mortal Kombat VS New York City: FLASH DANCE ROUND 2

This was just  too awesum NOT  to  post!
 I  wish something like this would happen where I  work!

Things that Tim BurtonSHOULD NOT BE INVOLVED IN!

YOU FEEL THAT?

 THAT’S AN IMPACT TREMOR IS WHAT THAT IS…..I’M GETTING FAIRLY ALARMED HERE!.......

Oh wait, it isn’t a t-rex...

It’s the millions (and millions) of Fanboys and Fangirls headed to Tim Burton’s house to stomp a mudhole in him for what  he is  most  likely going to do to the  

 Addams Family.  

I have said it before and I  will say  it again, Tim Burton is a menace that  needs to be stopped! Please don’t let this hipster doofus destroy the First  Family of the Macabre!  I  dunno if I  wanna see Johnny Depp as Gomez Addams, and Helena Bonham Carter  as Morticia! 

     Knowing Tim Burton he may  try  to  pull a Batlestar  Galactica and make the character Lurch into a woman, I  am sure the Character of Cousin It will be the black man who plays the voice of Elmo, and Thing will probably walk upright and NOT have hands.   

    This is the same man who says that Michael Keaton gave a humanity  to the character  of Batman!....(idiot…yeah, I’m still on that tip!)

     Don’t ask me who would be a good Gomez, because John Astin is damn near impossible to even come close to. 

Raul Julia  did a good job, 

but   was overshadowed by how much the rest  of the movie sucked! Angelica Huston as Morticia Addams,

  Lurch not uttering his infamous line of “you rang” That’s like having a Three Muskateers movie without saying “all for one and one for all.”  Or a STAR WARS movie without mentioning the FORCE! Angelica Huston can’t hold a cryptic candle to  Carolyn Jones!

(the original Morticia One of my  first celebrity crushes by the way…) 

Any Addams family re-boot should NOT have TIM BURTON ANYWHERE NEAR IT!! HE SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ALLOWED TO GO TO THE MOVIES PREMIRE!! 

And have Christina Ricci t do it. It  would be fitting to have Wednesday Addams grow up and play  her mom!

How about  Amy  Lee…OMG! Can I  petition for this?

Or you know who else I  just  thought of?......Angelina Jolie-Pitt,

she would most  assuredly be able to pull it off!

And yes, I  am aware that the demon known as TIM BURTON is  talking about  re-booting the ANIMATED Addams Family….

But  honestly the Addams Family cameo on Scooby-Doo was better than anyting this idiot can mash together.

Tim Burton and M. Night Shamaladingdong should not even be allowed to direct a high school play!

Again Tim Burrton and HIS OWN creations…awesum, but when he adds his sick, twisted view to an existing, established crearion…

well you  all remember Return to Alice in Wonderland…..?

Yeah, still not as gay as Twilight.

seriously, you  see Carolyn Jones and think Angelica Huston?...really? 

Fanboy Films 2011 My Year in Review!

2011 is over and done with and  it has been a banner ****ing year for Fanboy movies. I  am certain that the theaters are still mopping up Fanboy drool (among other Fanboy bodily  fluids).  We have seen everything from the (supposed) final installment  for The TRANSFORMERS and  Rock'em Sock'em Robots to Green garbed, ring wearing intergalactic police.....
and DAMN DIRTY APES!

Battle Los Angeles ($83 million)

Aaron Eckhart / Ramon Rodriguez / Ne-Yo / Michelle Rodriguez

Independence Day meets Saving Private Ryan....
This movie doesnt  really  know weather it wants to  be a Sci-Fi action movie or a gripping military drama, and is kinda stuck in the middle.  It has the same special effect team as did the movie SKYLINE (DO NOT  SEE SKYLINE, DON'T  DO IT!! GO TO THE DENTIST AND  GET A ROOT CANAL INSTED!) I  saw Battle Los Angeles twice, fell asleep the first  time, got throught it the second time. It  wasnt a total turdfest, but It  just  didnt keep  me rivited to  my  seat. Again, compared to  SKYLINE Battle Los Angeles was Citizen Kane!
I give this film a Fanboy rating C--..

again I  cannot  stress how much you  should NOT  see SKYLINE, watch TWILIGHT  instead.........ya know what, I  take that  back, if those are you  two choices, just  go  read a book, a graphic novel,
X-Men GOD LOVES MAN KILLS is one of my  favs!

REAL STEEL ($83 million)

Hugh Jackman /Evangeline Lilly

Like I  stated in a previous blog, "ROCKY meets Rock'em-Sock'em robots!"
I  am sorry, I  didn't see this film, and I  keep  hearing it was a "tear-jerker" that  will  really  tug at your heart strings. And I  think we all  know what Hugh Jackman was doing in this film....trying to get  Fanboys to go to the movies while we wait  for the next  WOLVERINE movie.... even though I  did not see this fine film, i  am afraid  I  am still  going to  have to  give it a SOLID D-- (none the less, still a D)

GREEN LANTERN ($116 million) 

 








Ryan Reynolds / Blake Lively

In a universe as vast as it is mysterious, a small but powerful force has existed for centuries. Protectors of peace and justice, they are called the Green Lantern Corps ...In Blackest Day In Darkest  Night... I  almost  wished this movie escaped my  sight.  It just  wasn't.....hittin'. Once again I  think instead of going with an actor better  suited for the role (Nathan Fillion would have been spot on perfect) Instead Hollwood  picked the HOT actor of that  particular minute.  Now I  like Ryan Reynolds, I  could have seen him more as Daredevil that whats-his-face (yeah, still  a little salty about that) and maybe he would have been a better Kyle Ranier Green lantern, but  not a Hal Jordon., a little too much  poetic license with the origin (read the graphic novel Emerald Dawn fer Cybertron's sake!)


I  am afraid I  will  have to  give this one a D++ mainly because I  don't think they  will  be able to recover from this and will keep making crappier sequels.

CAPTAIN AMERICA The First  Avenger ($176 million)

 Chris Evans / Hugo Weaving /Tommy Lee Jones

My brother/fellow Prince of the Universe BR@ND X is not a fan of the Star Spangled Aveneger, even though this movie was indeed quite good. It  told a good story. Yes they  got a little happy-go-lucky  with the dramatic license with the origin/relationship between Steve and Bucky! ( I  still don't understand why they  do  crap like that.) but  all and all this was a very good movie. I  have to  give it a B-.

THOR

Chris Hemsworth / Natalie Portman / Sir Anthony Hopkins

THOR is another character  my  brother and I  don't agree on.  Again, this movie tells a store, yes you  don't fully  see THOR in action but in the beginning and end of the film, but unlike SMALLVILLE, you  actually  get  to  see him in the G**DAMNED SUIT!  ( a topic for another rant, most  disappointing Fanboy events maybe??) I  like the story, the cameo by  HAWEYE, and they  picked the perfect actor to  play the role! A;; and all, I  have to give this movie a B.

And all the racists out there who were bitching about Idris Elba playing the role of Heimdal, get over it! If Jake Gyllyanhal can be the Prince of Persia.......so you  goosestepping bastards can go **** yourselves!

X-MEN FIRST CLASS ($146 million)

X-Men First Class.....ummm since the begining of the comic book series, who was the first  X-man?...................SCOTT "Slim" SUMMERS!! So now,according to this movie, Alex Summers, (Scott's younger brother) is now one of the first  X-Men????  So i guess I  can make  movie about BUFFY the VAMPIRE SLAYER and make Willow the Vampire slayer I guess.  Fanboys wait, and wait, and wait for  our  fav characters to  come to  life on the big  screen....and then we are cheated.  Was this a bad movie, no, I  think it was a great  movie....but a very bad X-MEN movie.  I  hear the argument about the 30+ year of X-MEN history to  deal with.  But this was supposed to be THE FIRST CLASS, CYCLOPS, BEAST, ANGEL, ICEMAN and JEAN GREY!

I am torn because it was a good movie, just  NOT  an X-MEN movie.  So it gets 2 grades, a B+ for the actual movie, but a D-- for being an X-MEN movie/

By the way, if you  dont have the rights to the character, don't do the G**DAMNED movie, remember the fitst FF movie?....no, no, I mean the REAL first  FF movie. They  were going to  lose the right to the characters which  is why they  came out  with that  terribly bad movie...

TRANSFORMERS:  Dark of the MooN ($352 million)

 Hands down, Beyformers was easily the top grossing Fanboy film of 2011. We got to  see one of our Old favorites from the original series. (Shockwave)

as well and the Usual suspects; Optimus Prime, Bumblebee. And a new character in Sentinel Prime (aka Alpha Trion, any  good Transformers Fanboy should know that!) Great movie, great  action, good story, ( a few holes in it but still  good story) but I  think it was just  a little too  much  story  about Sam (Spike, you  should know this Fanboy) Witwiki., and not enough character  develpment of the Aitobots and Decepticons. That is the only issue I  have with  Beyformers....well that  and they  could have added Hot Rod in the movie.

Maybe the will be saving that  for Beyformers 4. (oh yes my dear Fanboys and Fangirls, there WILL be a Beyformers 4)

I give Beyformers 3 a B.

COWBOYS  and ALIENS ($100 million) 

 

Fanyboy gold right?  Han Solo/Indiana Jones and 007?

 This year's example of the Goldman Rule that in Hollywood, nobody knows anything. A film based on a comic book, directed by the guy who did the Iron Man flicks, starring Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig? How could it not work? And yet it didn't. Maybe ther should have had Ridley Scott's Aliens in it.

Cowboys and Aliens gets a C--

RISE of the PLANET of the APES ($176 million)

Now I  honestly thought this was going to  be shitfest. I  thought it was going to  be made campy or goofy, or "kid friendly"  This movie was awesum! clearly the best   of  all the Sc-Fi films of 2011! Great  backstory, paying homage to the original AND leaving the future wide open . You can actually  see where they  can go  with  this, and it doesn't  make your brain bleed out  of your  ears trying to deal with the concept  of time travel like with  the last APES movie. This was a damn good film! The actor who uttered the ICONIC line, "get your hands off me  you  damn dirty ape!" was a little lackluster (definately not Chaleton Heston) but it was still  coll that  it was in the movie...it had to  be!....I  can't wait to  see the sequel on this one!

I  give RISE a solid A!

2011 gave us some stinkers and some truly  awesum movies.  2012 will be intersting as well, some Fanboy movies I  am seriously  looking forward to...

like Prometheus

 

and GHOST RIDER SPIRIT of VENGEANCE

some other.....well we will just  have to  see, we have everything from AKIRA and HIGHLANDER, to TOTAL RECALL and MIB3.

...yes, I  said it,  a HIGHLANDER remake...i know, I  know, the can only  be one.

10 EXAMPLES OF ACTORS WHO SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONNED THE CAPE...FINALE!!!

Okay  Fanboys and Fangirls, I  have finally  made it to then end of this  particular  rant. Saving the BEST ( or rather WORST)  for last. Even though, the last  two were pretty  hard to beat!  The final 2 are in this Fanboy's humble opinion possibly the most  damaging to the franchisees in particular. AWFUL casting, Fanboy  fueled arrogance and divinity and too much poetic license make the final 2 the nail in this Fanboy rant coffin.

I  am all for non-traditional casting. (ie: Michael Clarke Duncan as the KINGPIN in Daredevil)  

WHEN IT WORKS! Look at  IRON MAN. Robert Downey Jr.  is beyond perfect for the role of Tony Stark. I  mean aside from being a technological genius, HE IS TONY STARK IN REALITY!!

He owned the role, did the character justice, and  he paid homage to the people who  he knew would be filling the seats, 3,4,5 times over.... THE FANBOYS, THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE THESE TERRIBLE FILMS!

Number TWO:  "Mr. Qui-Gon Sir...."
You  were supposed to  be the chosen one...it was said that you  would defeat the sith .....

 
instead Jake Lloyd  made the most  inticipated Fanboy film of all time....into  a suckfest...not all his faul tho, most  of the blame goes to  Papa George (George Lucas) who threatened us up with N'Sync being in the movie, adn cyrsed us with the ABOMINATION known only  as Jar, Jar  Binks.
Because he wanted to  appeal to  a wider audience, so to  speak. he steered away  from the original formula and tried to  make it too  cute, too "familiy  friendly" or whatever I  dunno, maybe he was hitting the bong or something...In Episode IV, all the comedy  relief  you  had  was CP3-0 and R2-D2, and the witty  banter of Han Solo.  AND THAT   IS ALL YOU  NEEDED!!!
         

        Star Wats Episode IV "A New Hope" came out  in 1977, and I  saw it ten times at the theatre, twice at the drive-in.... I  was a child, and this was the seventies!!! Kids didnt go to the movies every  weekend like they  do  now....but for STAR WARS I  did! My  little sister was in  LOVE  with Mark Hamill, we both watched Empire Strikes Back,, every   Sunday for THREE YEARS!!  I  read Return of The Jedi 5 times before I  actually  saw the movie. (yeah, I  know, I  have been a Fanboy for a looooooooong time) So  again, the most  anticipated Fanboy movie of all  time......and  you  give us this??? aside from  Jar Jar  Binks (who I  didnt see as racist, I  just  saw him as incredibly mindnummingly stupid!! and I  wished someone would have blown his head off after hearing him talk for five minutes) Aside from the fact there was a wee bit too much  CGI., and pulling  a Highlander 2 and killing the mysticism  and coolness of the Jedi by the revelation of where the FORCE  come from. .these aspects could have been over looked but damn, the boy who  would grow up  to  be Darth Vader, looks and sounds like  Dennis the Menace. I  dig that   you  wanna show the innocence of a child being twisted my  pain and sorry, and fear, but Jake Lloyd is a terrible kid actor!!! He is like a poor man's Johnathan Lipnicky from Jerry  McGwire.  I  can not  believe that  there were NO other child actors who  could have played this role?? How about Haley Joel Osmet? He was still  a kid, and could have made the role  1000% more believable..

Tthen you  give us Hayden Christenson....

given the moniker "Mannequin Skywalker".....pretty  much the Sci-Fi equivalent to  Allen Payne (see Tyler Perry's TV show, House of Payne...on second thought, don't see it, it is a horible show), proving that not ALL Canadian actors, are good ones! He has a good look....but he and Dolph Lungren obviously  went to the same acting school.  I  want  to  like Hayden, but  especially  in Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, his acting was....horrendous. Not a total Stinkfest mainly ,because of the special effects and Ewan McGreggor , Natalie Portman, and Liam Neeson.
I  dunno, 
I  kinda feel bad because Jake Lloyd will most likely  NOT EVER be able to  get  any  kind of acting work outside of spoof comedies and possible Sci-Fi documentaries. Plus the legacy  he leaves is not of the one who brought ballance to the Force, but the one who  nearly destroyed the franchise with his inept acting ability..

I  suppose we should be greatful the the prequels are not being made now or else we might have Justin Bieber as  young Anakin Skywalker....although I  can kinda see him becoming Darth Vader!

"you  were supposed to  be the chosen one!"

NUMBER ONE:  "What are you?.....I'm the worst  choice ever for BATMAN!"

Michael Keaton as BATMAN

Quite frankly one of the MAIN reasons I  even started this blog. When Tim Burton's BATMAN came out  and it was out that  MR MOM/Beetlejuice was going to  play  Bruce Wayne/Batman.....

I  honestly thought it was a joke...a bad, sick twisted joke. Okay, let us examine the character  of BATMAN. Youbg Bruce watches his parents get  brutally  murdered by a two bit thug

(named Joe Chill....NOT JACK NAPIER..THE  JOKER DID NOT KILL BATMAN'S PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!) at  which point he vowed to make sure no child would ever have to  endure such pain, and bring those wrong doers to  justice, wherever evil preys upon the innocent. So  he trains his body and his mind, honed to perfection.  Fronting the image of a spoiled Millionaire playboy, by  day,
The crime fighting vigilante known as  THE  BATMAN is an over six foot, beyond Olympic level ATHLETE....ATHLETE.....ATHLETE......Michael Keaton....ATHELETE/Michael Keaton....Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture????
Michael Keaton is only  about 5'5 and balding....and about as athletice as a bowl of ricotta cheese....okay maybe that  was a bit extreme, but c'mon, anyone who  is really  a fan...(or even anyone who  has sight) can see that  this was THE MOST ABSURD CHOICE FOR THIS CHARACTER. THE BATMAN is not an everyman hero, not anyone, can be THE BATMAN!  I  have heard the argument that  his BATMAN was one of the best, better  than Val Kilmer, and better  than George Clooney. NO!... Th film it self was a cinematice beauty, making Gotham City ver dark and Gothic, very  comicbookesques, which is good, I  LOVED that  part  of the film and I  have NO arguments there.(even though after the first  film, it went from Gothic to Las Vegas on acid).Michael Keaton as BATMAN is  like Jean-Claude Van Damme as THE AMERICAN CHARACTER GUILE in The Street Fighter movie,
  or like Edward Furlong in the last  CROW installment.

( that is one I  missed, belive me DO NOT  SEE THIS MOVIE!!.  Very  bad,  very, very  bad!) Keaton's BATMAN  was just  not believeable...and it sucked donley balls.
Val Kilmer's BATMAN and Bruce Wayne were were exactly the same, you  could not tell the difference between the two,

and George Clooney IS Bruce Wayne in Reality, his BATMAN
just  kinda sucked,bu that was not all his faul, most  of that  I  blame on the doofus known as Joel Shoemacher.  Bat-Nipples,and Bat-Butt shots, remember?

I  was sooo disgusted with the  first  BATMAN film, I  boycotted it, i  did NOT  see it at the theatre,and nearly  waited a year before I  actually  saw it.



How about young Alec Baldwin?

(Beetlejuice, The Shadow) to  play the role. He would have fit the part a HELL of a lot more than Keaton. He actually  fits the part  better! Hell  i  even heard rumor that  a young Jeff Goldblum was even slated to  play the raole at  one point! Jack Nickelson's Joker and the Gothic nature of the scenery of the film.barely  make this movie watchable.
Kevin Conroy,

the guy  who des the voice of BATMAN/Bruce Wayne from Batman The Animated Series would even be a better   fit for the movies!   Adam West would have even been a better choice, and least  HE is about the right height and is definately a PLAYBOY,

Oh, I  read Burt Ward's book......which ultimately makes me a Fanboy!

If Michael Keaton was so great in the movies, why  doesn't the video game persona look like him??